chapter one


The plane trip

“Hi there” said the annoyingly perky flight attendant or check out lady or what ever her job was called when June got to the front gate.  

“How many are travailing in your party ?” she asked showing a row of clearly bleached teeth.

“Three.. I mean .. just me I corraded my self , it would take too long to explain to her that I she was we  three different people in one body and I  couldn’t take the chances they would make her buy two other tickets , this one was expensive enough“ 

“Wonderful said the flight .. What ever she was ?“Just take your seat on the plain.” She replied pointing to the gate.

“It’s about time”I  Heard Jess mumble “We would have been here sooner if Paula hadn’t insisted we stop at the gift shop and look at that stupid Mad magazine.”

“Are we going to a party?” asked Paula not at all  by her sister’s  comment, She had a thick skin and most insults just bounced off her, which of course drove Jess crazy. 

“What party?”I asked Paula

“The Stewards said how many are in our party? So are we going to a party?”

“That’s  just means how many are coming said Jess  “There is no party. “ she said sharply trying to cut Paula new enthusiasm short. “

“We can still have one anyway Paula said in a voice even more perky then the flight attendant.

“No we cant” growled Jess.

“Sure we can”said Paula.

“There nothing to celebrate” shouted Jess right in my ear. 


“We can celebrates our first plane trip to see are brother’ whispered Paula, trying to get Jess to use her inside voice as she called it. 

This... isn’t.... our.... first.... plane.... trip.. Jess said  through clenched teeth. 

I tried to hold back a laugh , it was ridiculous how worked up jess got over something so small. She was really funny when she got really mad but I wouldn’t tell her that. 

“I know but we never celebrate are first plane trip, so we can celebrate our sixth time visiting gramma. Will just say it’s are first so it will be more fun.”  Paula was really excited which was only annoying Jess more. 

“That’s a dumb reason to throw a party” groaned Jess 

“Will get a cake and ice cream, and rent movies... Paula  went on and on  already acidly planing.

“There’s our  seat,  said Jess  trying to Chang the subject. 

“It’s right next to that guy who’s hogging the window. “

“He’s not  hogging the window, he’s  just seating by the window  reading. “He looked up when we sat down. 

“Hello my name is Steve” he replied cheerfully“

“Oh hi.. I squeaked out  “

“Gee could you say that any louder?” said Jess.

“ Looks like we’re siting together.”

“Well due said both Jess and Paula at the same time.” 

“so.. Uh..  what do you do?...”


“besides you ..whispered Jess in her Barmy Bataille voice she always gave me  when I talked to any guy. 

 “...for a living I said a little too loud trying to ignore Jess.  Jess ‘s favorite show was Sex in the City so when ever she swell guys only one thing was on her mind. I on the other hand wanted to move a lot slower. 

 “I’m a milk man he replied.”

“I didn’t even know we still had milk man , said Jess “

“Jess that’s rude” I told her in my shut up and leave me alone voices.


“All I’m saying is it doesn’t sound like a real job to me Jess  replied. It’s  like saying you’re a blacksmith. “

“We still have some blacksmith, said Paula.”

“Yeah in old renaissances fairs, for strange people who like to play pretend all the time.”

“Do they have milk men in renaissance fairs?” asked Paula?”

“Uh.. are you ok,” Steve  asked me  it looks like you’re deep in thought.”

“Oh.. sorry” I apologized, I sometimes got so into listening to my sisters I forget no one else could hear them but me.  

“ I was just thinking about my sisters I replied ”

“Oh yeah.. this is an ice breaker.” said Jess in her usually sarcastic sounding voice, in fact she sounds sarcastic so often I didn’t know what Jess  sound like when she wasn’t being sarcastic.  


“What ice? its July?” Asked Paula. I could see Paula now , she’d diced to spaerted for a while and she was siting on someone seat kicking the back of it. The guy who’s seat it was didn’t seem to notice. Even if he did he wouldn’t be able to see her.

“Do you have any siblings?” I asked Steve speaking louder trying to drown my  sister voices out. 

“No he replied .. “my parents both died before they got a chances to have any more kids.

“oh I’m so sorry.. “ I replied but then felt stupid once I said it . Why do people always say there sorry, its not there fault . They weren’t there. 

“Its ok “He replied “It happened a long time ago. “

“I know how you feel though, my mom died when, I was very young.”

“Christ  , mumbled Jess “Are you going to tell him are whole life story now?”

“But I still have my dad” I added.

“And your sister” Steve  added. It must be nice to have sibling. “ 

“Uh.. Yeah .. I have two of them.“  I said trying to think how on earth I could explain this situation. 

“Are you close?” He asked 

Oh yeah I thought were very close I thought to my self.

“What are your hobbies?” I asked  Changing the subject. No sense in him knowing they were technically dead too. 

I collect four leaf clovers he replied

“That’s a hobbies” Laughed Jess  

As we talked I  couldn’t help think what would happen  if this worked out. But how would a relationship work , with only one liking the other. Could each of my two  sisters find their own different man  and marry them. But wouldn’t that be polygamy? Did you have to be a certain 

religion to do that? Were woman even aloud to marry  more than one man or  was it only men? But still this is American , a free country I could do what ever I wanted.  But my happy thoughts were soon interrupted by a few simple words and surprisingly they didn’t come from Jess. 

“My girlfriend likes collecting four leafs clovers to so she’s always asking me to find her some.

“Girl...Girlfriend?”I chocked out hourly. Oh God how embarrassing I thought he wasn’t 

fluttering after all  feeling my  face turn beat red.

“Why you son of a bitch cried Jess from my mouth before I  could stop her. 

“Uh excuse me?” He said looking flabbergasted.

 There was no point in stopping her. When Jess got this wound up there was no holding her back. It was best to just  stand by  and watch her vent.

“I sat and listened to you go on and on about your milk life and now you tell me you have a girlfriend” she screamed in my body my face was defiantly red now.

“ Its because I wouldn’t join the mile high club isn’t it”

Oh lord I thought , this was going to be embracing.

“What the mile high club?  asked Paula

“Never mind I sighed walking over to where Paula  was siting.  I might as well  get as far away from this scene as possible.

“You just thought I was some Bozos you could have a one night stand in the bathroom” screamed Jess spit flying out of my mouth spraying poor Steve like he was out in a down pour.


“And I mean literally stand because there is no way to lay down in there. I only know that from bad movies like Snakes on a Plane. Is that what you thought? You’d just stick your snake in me. Is that what you perfect call it Your snake Your weasel Your  little soldier”

“What is she talking about?” Asked Paula looking really confused

“Uh I’ll explain later” I told her.  Hopefully when you’ve forgotten about it I thought.

“I think were going to land soon.” Steve said trying desperately to change the subject. He was sweating now or maybe that was just jess spite. He also had an audiences now, even the stewardess was watching Jess ‘s performances. More people were watching them then the on flight  movie. Cant say I balm them , the movie was  “Gothery Park”, the most boring movie I’d ever seen.

 Why was I so worried about finding three guys to marry us when at this rate we couldn’t even find one. But despite everything watching Jess get this mad was really funny. The faces she mad with my head really were a riot. So me and Paula did the only thing we could do in this situation, we laughed. 

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